you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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