I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
