It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
