she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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