Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
