Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
