told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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