Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They took my balls.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
