i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
