Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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