Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
