I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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