He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
