she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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