i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
