my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
