I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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