Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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