Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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