Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
