my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
