Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
