Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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