so that wasnt chicken after all
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
