he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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