Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
