he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
