FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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