Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
