Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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