trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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