I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
