out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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