how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
