I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
