someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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