im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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