I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
