At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
