Banned from zoo.
Again?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
