thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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