i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
