I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
