I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
