I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
