Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
