how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
