She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
