Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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