but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
